Time Tells

I AM SO SLEEPYYY, so i’m writing to stay awake. I hope that it works. I could seriously take a nap on this desk. Anyways, i’ve been thinking lately.
After breaking up with my boyfriend of 4 months (a personal best haha) I thought that it would be the hardest thing to do. But you know? The only hard part was telling him, after that, he’s been such a butthead that I am sure i made the right decisi0n. And now that we aren’t together, I’ve heard all the stories of how he’s been rude to other people and offended some of the nicest people. And you know what? I wouldn’t put it past him. He’s so full of himself, or so he thinks, that he boasts. But really, i think its just insecurities showing. I mean, if you are okay with yourself you don’t have to tell others that you will beat them up, or that you could. Because, in reality, that boy cannot take anyone down. My lil bro can beat him up. But oh well, i guess he’s just way immature and trying to find himself.
But yes, what sucks is that he’s such a butthead. He goes from trying to be super nice, saying, can we talk about this in person pls? To YOU dont think YOU can!? You’re the one that broke up with me. how do you think i feel?! then back to. fine, i’ll give you your space. He’s such a horrible rager! :O I should’ve known after that one time at the mall when he was yelling at this guy who didn’t stop for us when we were crossing the street. and despite me trying to get him to stop, he yelled like a dumbass after a car. It was so stupid.
What’s more, he was rude to my step dad!! Who buys him food and who is so nice to him. But no, he doesn’t know that, he assumes it’s all my mom. What a stupid head. And asking about my mom’s medication because she isn’t getting better. What a retard for doing that!!! He doesn’t know anything about my mom. He doesn’t know her immunities are low and she takes a while to get better. or that she was going back to the doctor in a few days. He’s so insensitive. I do realize he does it out of concern. But i really wonder. Who is the concern for? Because it doesn’t show as compassionate.
But after ranting and accidentally sending my friend on him, (she says she is going to punch him…haha for messing with her dudesies *my fam*) i feel guilty for feeling such things. I mean, we were together. and there must’ve been something i saw in him. But truthfully, i can’t see it anymore. I don’t want to think he’s so horrible, because i dont think he meant to do anything bad. But then again i wonder, am i just rationalizing for him again? But no, i should try to be kind. :I I WILL TRY.
But i get so caught up with my frustration and disgust. Alicia hit it right on the head about what his problem was, “it was early stages of kevin-ism” Which is so true. He would not ever move or change his plans to see me. He wouldn’t text me back or talk with me for the majority of the week. He would only call sometimes and always cut it short because he was sleepy. And i believe he lied to me a lot, i dont want to believe it, but so many times he couldn’t back up his stories or defend them. And he’d always try and say the ‘right thing’ and i feel like a dumbass for believing him for so long. He isn’t going to change. He didn’t think he was doing anything wrong or that our relationship wasn’t bad. When clearly, i wasn’t happy. He’d say, “i don’t want you to be sad. When you are happy i’m happy. So i’ll try, i really will.” And you know? I think he meant it, for like a few hours. then it’d be back to the same GD routine. And i was just tired of it. I was a girlfriend of convenience. And that’s not enough for me. And to add to it, as i started to resent him, all i could see were his faults. And that just wasn’t fair to either of us.
Yet, once again. When i look back on our time together i am not happy. I feel like i made a bad decision with a guy AGAIN. and it sucks. Why can’t i ever not regret it? Sighh…. Maybe time will make it so i don’t regret it. BUT WHO KNOWS! i still regret the last one. Though, oddly, not as much. After this break up, i really admire R for being so kind about it and not being mean to me. so i guess, maybe with time i wont regret it. I did get some sushi out of it.
But, for now, i am soo taking a long break from all that relationship poo~~ A LONG BREAK! But yea, alicia, it’s still A&A domination FTW~~~ :D