When Did This Happen?

The question everyone will ask, and the question I perpetually ask of myself. But is there really an answer? When did saying “happy valentine’s day” or “i love you” turn into such dead words that illicit no emotion? Obligatory responses without meaning. That seems to be what 0ur relationship turned into. Maybe that’s the way I see it, maybe he sees it differently. No matter what though, if this sentiment resides anywhere, then it’s enough to call it quits.

When we started you said, “I’m willing to give this a try” I think that was a perfect way of putting it. We gave it a try. It wasn’t meant for forever. We are too different. You can’t foresee the future, and maybe sometimes it may seem like everything is going well. But it’s not.

When did I stop wanting to be with you? When did I stop wanting to try? When did I stop looking at you and thinking wow? (did i ever?)

When did you stop trying? When did I become less? When did you think this would end?
Why didn’t we both see it? Why did we try for so long? Why didn’t someone say no?

I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hear you cry. I don’t want any of that. But I don’t want you.

Relationships are like a rose, if you don’t cultivate it, then you will prick yourself on what used to be.

I really don’t want to say those words. The same ones I was unable to voice before. But, because I respect you and care for you, I will force myself to say them. I’ve said them enough times to myself.

You may say, but we can work on it. But I don’t want to. You may say, I’m overreacting. But I don’t think I am. You may say, I’m a bitch for not telling giving you another chance. And I won’t say anything. It’s not that I ran out of patience, I stopped wanting to.

Dealing with the remains, that’s what I will be doing weeks from now. Questions, accusations, and rumors. The dirty side of love. The death of love, just so rebirth can take place. We will find love again, and again.