We all have them, men and women alike. And for both sexes, it´s a source of anxiety. Though, admittedly, it’s more a female issue. It’s bigger the better right? But why?
Is it because they feel better? There’s more to play with? Or are they just more mesmerizing? I must admit, when I see a girl with GINORMOUS boobs, i look. More so in awe and jealousy than anything else. Are the bigger boobs almost magical in that sense? I’m not sure. I hear horror stories about how they get in the way, draw the wrong kind of attention and more. So maybe there is a point at which it’s not so much adored as it is shocking.
I don’t think women who buy boobs that are as big as they can get look good. For one, they look like they stuffed basketballs underneath their skin. It’s stretched, taunt, and so chiseled that they don’t seem to move. (though, i don’t know that for sure. I am not one to fondle another person.) But they are all over the magazines and covers. It’s like, we are told. Baby, you better have giant knockers for me to play with otherwise, i shall tire of you.
But then there are guys who say, i don’t mind the size. The smaller ones are okay too. But you don’t really feel they are. Because you can look in the mirror after putting on a jacket and say, hey, where’d you guys go?! And if they’re small, that means you have to worry that much more about your stomach. Because the HORROR to be a girl with a tummy that is bigger than her boobs. That would be the worst fate imaginable. I pray i will never get that bad, but so far, i’m okay. But still, you see yourself disappearing at times, especially in the wrong clothes.
Maybe it’s the entire story about the grass being greener on the other side. But I want to see what it’d be like to have bigger boobs. I mean, would it feel fun? Would i want to run out and buy new shirts or walk around happier with myself? I’m not sure a part of me screams no because i wouldn’t like people staring. But then, why do i want them? Well, just to have them! I’d feel more sexy at times, not for other people but for myself. Maybe more feminine, i’m not sure. That’s my story sometimes. But then other times i’m happy with what i have.
I think, hey, well, at least they don’t get in the way. They aren’t heavy at all (i forget they are there 
) I think, hey they fit my hands okay, so they won’t be like a prepubescent boy’s chest. Right? I can wear bras, so I know i’m not that lacking. At least i have them. And if my shirts are tighter, they don’t drown in the clothing so much. So maybe, we just have to be happy with what we have, or save up a lot of money and endure forced change. (i don’t want the second one)
But this leads me to another complaint, or rather thing i wish i could change. Body frames! GD body frames! The one constant you can NEVER hope to change. It’s like karma’s way of saying, Haha BITCH! Diet all you want, this right here, you see it? That’s BONE! To which you can only reply with a sad sob or nod. I wish I didn’t have what my brother calls “lineback shoulders.” I can never forget his, “If i make a football team, i want you to be the linebacker. Your shoulders are bigger than guys’!” That whore. LOL. But seriously! Or the you are too tall, too stocky, too lanky, too bony. Those complaints should never be voiced. They can’t be changed! It’s like telling a cat it’s ugly because it has fur!! It’s just not fair.
But you never see big boned girls on magazines, or being the main characters in books, or even in movies. It’s always the tiny little girls. And not everyone can be like that! Some of us have giant thighs, or hands, or feet. It’s not like we went and said, can i have more of this? BEcause i’m sure no one would do that. But really, i feel like the ones that are different are equated with less. And also, the idea of not having any hair anywhere besides our head! It’s like, must i really shave my arms and legs every other day? Can’t i just be furry? But no, then people say things like yeti or you look like a man. (Once again, courtesy of brother circa middle school)
So many rules and regulations! It’s like jumping through hoops that sometimes aren’t even on the ground, they’re on fire and ten feet in the air. So I guess i had no real point or conclusion i was heading to. Which sometimes happens when i blog. But i feel like i wish i looked different. Everytime i look at a music video, i think, she looks so much better. Look at her arms, her stomach, her boobs. She’s like perfection dancing on stage. And me? Well, i get attention from people online who see a picture of my face and think i’m ‘beatiful’ or ’sexi.’ it’s not the same thing! But maybe this is all because i follow what our culture and media is telling me is beautiful.
I know there are many couples, and people who think they are with the most beautiful person. That are forever in love with someone they view as perfect, but to others look like they aren’t even a 7. I think that their view of beauty is cultured and developed through love. And that idea of beauty i think is more attainable and powerful. YET, so invisible and not always lasting. It’s not like you can say. Well, i dont look like her, but someone somewhere will think i’m even more beautiful one day. It’s an awesome idea. But really, that doesn’t help in the NOW! Plus, what if he died or is way too old or young? Then what?
I constantly struggle with feeling pretty enough or smart enough or good enough. I think of these awesome ways to attain this, but i struggle with always seeing them as the solution. But that doesn’t mean i don’t want bigger boobs, a smaller stomach, prettier skin, and skinnier thighs. Because, damnit, i want that stuff!! >.<>
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